My ex was very much like you. She was determined to be the best mother in the history of motherhood. And for her that meant catering to our kids' every need.

They could not possibly be allowed to falll down. (Even in elementary school FFS) Which is how we learn to get back up.

Our daughter is just like yours. She just cannot deal with anything that does not run smoothly. But if she callls mom, mom will fix it.